“I have to clean out the garage.”
“I’ll try to get to that report next week.”
“I need to figure out what to do about this.”
We say sentences like these every day. Then the garage stays full, the report slides another week, and the question sits where it was. And we conclude the problem is us.
Listen to the sentences again. Each one did something before we did anything at all.
Our mind takes direction
Language sets our perspective. It tells our mind what kind of situation we’re in. That perspective shapes what we do, and whether we can do it at all.
“I’ll try to get to it next week” tells our mind there’s no set time, no commitment, and plenty of room for it not to happen. “I have to clean the garage” tells our mind someone is making us. Each sentence comes with an exit already built in. Our mind is very good at finding exits.
That exit is resistance. Resistance is the internal “no” we bring to a task, through a thought, a feeling, a belief, or the words we choose. The words are often where it shows first.
This isn’t reframing. Reframing puts a pleasant meaning on top of a task: “Cleaning the garage is a chance to grow!” Nobody’s mind is fooled. What we’re after is simpler. We’re sending our mind a clear message that we expect action and support, instead of handing it a list of ways to escape.
Clean language
That’s how we neutralize resistance in language. We don’t argue with the “no.” We stop handing it an exit, and it becomes irrelevant. In my book Work Without Working, this sits inside the three pillars of The Frictionless Mindset: Acceptance, Alignment, and Action. Clean language belongs to Action. I call it Frictionless Languaging.
Four patterns worth checking
Four patterns show up constantly. In each pair, the situation is identical. Only the sentence changes.
1. Vague vs Specific intentionality
Resistance language is vague in its intentionality: “I’ll try to get to it next week.”
Frictionless language is specific in its intentionality: “This is calendared for next Tuesday at 10.”
Vague leaves the door wide open for the “no.”
Specific closes it.
2. Outcome vs Process orientation
Resistance language is outcome oriented: “I need to finish the whole report.”
Frictionless language is process oriented: “First I’ll write the introduction.”
Outcome orientation is like trying to eat the whole elephant at once.
Process orientation focuses on the next necessary step.
3. Obligation vs Desire
Resistance language cites obligation as the reason for the action: “My boss told me I have to call the distributor today.” “That garage is so messy I can’t even fit the car in it anymore. I have to clean it out today.”
Frictionless language uses desire to take responsibility for the action: “I want to speak with the distributor today.” “I want to clean out the garage today.”
Obligation language puts the cause of the action on someone or something external to ourselves. We are telling our mind we are being made to do it, not choosing to do it. We are not taking responsibility for choosing the action. Additionally, any natural antipathy to being told what to do arises and then acts as additional resistance.
Desire language is more effective. We are already hardwired to do what we want. Telling yourself you want to do something preps your mind to do it. Your mind starts offering you opportunities to get it done.
On a personal level, this pair is the most interesting to me. Saying “I have to go to the grocery store today” turns into a 50/50 chance of me actually making it there. Saying “I want to go to the grocery store today” makes it 100% I’ll do it that day.
4. Identity vs Action anchoring
Resistance language uses identity as an anchor: “I ate that pastry after having a huge breakfast. I am just not disciplined.”
Frictionless language uses action as an anchor: “At the next meeting I want to sit on the side of the room away from the refreshments.”
Identity anchoring turns an action into a verdict on who we are.
Action anchoring focuses on the objective next step, what we want to do.
None of these is a trick. The task is the same task in both sentences. What changes is what the sentence claims about it, and about us. Resistance language gives us an easy way out. Frictionless language preps our mind for taking natural action.
So if the garage is still full, nothing is wrong with you. Your mind just took the exit your language offered.
Eating the elephant slowly,
Alessandra